it is time
I needed to start. I was forced to begin somewhere because it was eating at my soul. For a very long time, I kept hiding in self-help books, spirituality books, writing books, all kinds of books. I was overdosing on books while still feeling completely empty and unsatisfied. Deep in my soul, I know I am a creative genius. Talented beyond words. Those closest to me call me Talent Unlimited. Yet I wasn't exercising any of my gifts. I was stuck. I am stuck in a job I outgrew years ago. A job I have been dying to let go of since the day I practically started there, 9 years ago this week. I admit it hasn't been the worst of jobs. It's been a comfort zone and for that same reason, I have to go. My soul is withering. Hanging on by a thread. I know I am too grand for the limitations of this place. I love helping others but hate being told what to do and when to do it. Rarely in my life have I been told what to do. I am always the one telling others what to do and how to do it. Naturally, since I am the first-born of the family. I admit I have boss-like tendencies. I've been an independent individual since birth, as my mother always recounts. I can not be constrained. I don't handle that well. I have been my own person my entire life. I have also been selfish. Fulfilling my hearts every desire.
Although I do the job well it keeps me small. It keeps me safe. More importantly, it keeps me uninspired. And so I can't hold on any longer. I have to choose between safety or sanity. Comfort or joy. Life or death. I have to let it go. I can't conduct any more job searches either. I am not about this 9-5 life. As previously mentioned, I can not be contained. Ever. I need my freedom. I need my own schedule and to do things at my own pace. Under my own management. I have been a BOSS. Thus it's time to start walking, talking, and acting like one. No more 9-5's. No more updating bland ass resumes. No more competing with the entire world for a job that in the long run will not fulfill my needs, regardless.
One of my biggest fears is that I will never find a job that makes me truly happy, especially if I'm working for a company that demands things of me. Deep in my soul, I know where my happiness lies- in the words, in the writing, in the reading, in the art of creating. I am magical. I can make words fall in love with each other. I'm a creative. I'm a daydreamer. A dreamer period. I can not work for anyone. I am my own woman. I have been my own woman. And I will no longer be held back by mediocrity and safety. I have a very loving relationship with God and the Universe and so I know for certain that my time has finally arrived.